KURVES, The Musical!

KURVES LOGO, hi rezVisit KURVES, TEXAS and fall in love with eight quirky characters of Maxine’s Gym — you know people like this (or wish you did!).

The show debuted March 1, 2, 3, 2012 to rave reviews at The Rialto Theater in Denison, Texas. The show returned by popular demand October 11, 12, 13, 2012 at The Rialto. Read cast bios here.

For licensing and/or perusal contact amy @ shojai.com (no spaces) with KURVES in the subject line.

KURVES, THE MUSICAL features fun ensemble characters with depth that can be performed by high school to college, church or community theater, regional or professional groups using a minimal set–or as extravagant as you wish. (Note: we borrowed “workout” equipment from the cast).

This two-act 2 hour musical comedy features 12 songs in styles ranging from ballad to blues, jazz to gospel. A piano/vocal score is available for rehearsal or performance, and the orchestration is prerecorded to make rehearsals user-friendly with a professional performance sound for any size theater. The following sample/trailer was created from Mike Marlow’s video of a performance.

SONG SAMPLES FROM REVIVAL CAST

KURVES on TheatreGeeks Radio, Listen to the show here.

MURDER SHE WROTE’S TOM SAWYER SAYS:

“Brava to you Amy, and Bravo to you, Frank! The tunes and lyrics are lovely and adorable. I wish you great success with it — and everything else! My warmest good wishes.Tom Sawyer, author, screenwriter, playwright

HERALD DEMOCRAT’S LYNETTE GEORGE SAYS:

  • “Kurves provides comedy mixed with original music
  • “…I recommend Kurves…it’s fun!”
  • “…they’ve brought the top-notch talent audiences have come to expect . . .”
  • Before the two-hour play is finished, the audience learns about each [character via conversations and original songs–some poignant and some extremely funny.”
  • “Kurves is musically entertaining…just what the doctor ordered.”

“Punch lines come fast and furious in Steele and Shojai’s challenging script that is matched perfectly with a cast that seems equally adept at tossing out jokes or belting out show tunes.” Allen Rich —North Texas E-News review & pictures

Meet Maxine, the cross-dressing owner of a run-down woman’s gym–a safe hangout where friends gather to work on problem thighs and problem lives. Mabel is the many-times-married director of a soup kitchen. Mousey poetry teacher Jane wants to make an impression at her next high school reunion (Someone Must See Me). And insecure newlywed Ronnie grew up on the wrong side of the tracks but married the “town catch” and feels unworthy of his love (The Picture).

Two inept small-time crooks throw curves into everyone’s lives when they break into the gym and hold up the women (Pitching Woo). Boots needs money to buy a cool car to attract that perfect lady–he can’t resist spouting pickup lines with each breath (You’re The Chick For Me). Fingers quotes movies (Silver Screen Blues) so he won’t sound dumb and guards his treasure-filled Superman lunchbox to avoid ridicule.

When a familiar-looking stranger arrives (Dreams For Sale), Celia discovers a decades-old betrayal after the robbers break the key in the door and everyone gets locked inside (The Dream). Tempers flare (Suck It Up, Sweetheart), romance blooms (Poetry & Jazz) and secrets are confessed (Happy)—just why has Maxine/Max masqueraded as a woman for 30 years? Only the arrival of the “town catch” assistant district attorney Troy reveals the truth behind Max’s secret life (Curves). Ultimately, all discover they had what they needed all along (Life Happens).

Here are samples of songs/lyrics (ASCAP registered).

SOMEONE MUST SEE ME (Jane)

SOMEONE MUST SEE ME WHEN NO ONE CAN SEE ME
SOMEONE MUST SEE MY HEART.
WHY CAN’T THEY SEE ME, THOUGH EVERYONE SEES ME
ARE WE ALL MILES APART?

TO SAY I’M NOT NOTICED, TO SAY I’M NOT THERE
AFFIRMS WHAT I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN.
THAT ALL THAT I DO, THAT ALL THAT I SAY
INSURES THAT I’M STILL ALONE.

PLEASE TAKE WHAT I OFFER, OH YES, OH PLEASE DO
ALL THAT I HAVE I WILL GIVE.
AND, IF NOT ALL, THEN PLEASE TAKE A PART
ON THAT I CAN SURELY LIVE…

THE PICTURE (Ronnie)

THERE’S A PICTURE INSIDE MY HEAD
OF THE GIRL I’M SPOZED TO BE.
AND AT NIGHT WHEN I’M IN MY BED
THAT PICTURE SPEAKS TO ME.
THERE’S A BABY THAT WILL MAKE US THREE
HE’S PERFECT! LOOKS JUST LIKE HIS DAD.
THERE’S MY HUSBAND—BUT IT’S PLAIN TO SEE
HE REGRETS I CHANGED THE LIFE HE HAD.

CUZ I DON’T FIT, I’M NOT IN THE PICTURE
I DON’T FIT, I’M OUT OF THE FRAME.
THE WHOLE TOWN KNOWS WE’RE NOT THE RIGHT MIXTURE
BUT I’M JUST CAUGHT UP IN A CINDERELLA GAME…

PITCHING WOO

(BOOTS)
NEED A CAR TO WOO A LADY
SUAVE DEMEANOR, PERFECT PITCH,
A GIRL WHO RECOGNIZES CHARM,
AND DOESN’T CARE THAT I’M NOT RICH.
NEED SOME CASH TO GAS IT, MAYBE
CRAP APPEARANCE, THERE’S NO HITCH
CLASSIC CARS JUST RAISE ALARM
YOUR OLD RIDE IS JUST MY KITSCH.

(FINGERS)
NEED A FRIEND, I’M NOT A BABY,
DON’T BE MEAN, I’M NOT A SNITCH
WHIRLIND DRIVING MAKES ME QUEASY
MOMMA SAYS IT MAKES ME TWITCH.
SEARCHING FOR A SPECIAL LADY
HELPS ME FIND MY PERFECT NICHE
ONE WHO KEEPS ME SAFE FROM HARM
AND WON’T ACT LIKE AN EVIL WITCH…

YOU’RE THE CHICK FOR ME! (Boots)

HEY, THERE, BE MY BABY.
PLEASE SAY ‘YES’ OR MAYBE, ‘MAYBE. ’
I’M NOT THIS WAY WITH ALL THE GIRLS.
SOMEHOW, WITH YOU IT’S DIFFERENT.
MARRY ME, WE’LL RAISE AN INFANT.
A CUTIE LIKE YOU, WITH LOTSA CURLS.

(jazzy talking)D’YA PLAY THE PIANO? BETCHA DO.
MAKE YOUR OWN CLOTHES? I KNOW IT’S TRUE.
ALL THE GIRLS LIKE YOU, THROUGH AND THROUGH.
(sings) YOU’RE THE CHICK FOR ME!

WHAT’S YOUR SIGN? I’M A LIBRA.
DO YOU LIKE PETS? WE’LL BUY A ZEBRA.
THE SUN IS CAPTURED IN YOUR HAIR.
YOU OWN MY HEART, NOW OWN MY LIFE.
JUST SAY “YES, I’LL BE YOUR WIFE.”
YOU’RE THE BLUE RIBBON AT THE COUNTY FAIR.

(Jazzy talk)YOU’RE THE SALSA ON MY ENCHILADA.
PRETTY HOT, COULDN’T GET MUCH HOTTA.
A REAL SLICK BABE, A REAL TOMATA
(sings) YOU’RE THE CHICK FOR ME…

CURVES (Maxine)

I MADE MY PLANS, WITH MY ONE TRUE LOVE,
MAPPED EVERY STEP TO BE,
GRABBED LIFE WITH BOTH HANDS, FOR MY ONE TRUE LOVE,
NO ROLLING THE DICE FOR ME.
BUT I STUMBLED AND FELL, THOUGH MY ONE TRUE LOVE
DIDN’T KNOW I’D LOST MY WAY,
AND I WENT TO HELL WHEN MY ONE TRUE LOVE
DIDN’T KNOW THE DEBTS I’D PAY.

CURVES, WHEN THE ROAD SEEM STRAIGHTEST THERE’LL BE
CURVES, WHEN THE PATH SEEMS SAFEST THERE’LL BE
CURVES, WHEN YOUR PERFECT PLAN UNFURLS THE
CURVES WILL THROW YOU.
NERVES, WON’T HELP THE ROAD GET STRAIGHTER
SWERVES, DON’T HELP THE PATH TURN SAFER
NO ONE DESERVES TO LIVE WITH CURVES…

DREAMS FOR SALE (Celia, Ronnie, Jane)

IF I CAN DO IT YOU CAN DO IT TOO, I’M A SELF MADE ME!
IF I CAN SEE IT YOU CAN BE IT, JUST LIKE ME!
TIRED OF SPINNING YOUR WHEELS
WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS WINNING SWEET DEALS
(spoken) I CAN FIX THAT!

DREAMS FOR SALE, I’VE GOT DREAMS FOR SALE.
GET THEM WHILE THEY’RE FRESH.
DON’T LET WHAT OTHERS SAY RULE YOUR DAY.
I’VE GOT THE SECRET TO SUCCESS.

DREAMS FOR SALE, GET YOUR DREAMS ON SALE.
SWEEP OUT THE DON’TS, THE WON’TS AND CAN’TS
JUST TAKE MY WORDS TO HEART, AND GRAB A FRESH NEW START
FOR YOUR SAKE JUST TAKE A CHANCE…

LIFE HAPPENS (Company)

(JANE & CELIA verse 1.)
I WANT (GET) TO BE THE GIRL WITH THE SPARKLES
I WANT (GET) TO SEE THE VIEW FROM THE TOP
TAKE MY PLACE, MAKE MY MARK.
DESTINY YOU CAN’T STOP.

(MABEL & RONNIE verse 2.)
I SEE MYSELF SWEET AND SO DEMURE
WON’T LET THIS WEALTH BE MY CURE
CAN’T LOSE MY PLACE, IT’S NOT FAIR!
DON’T HAVE TIME TO SPARE
DESTINY YOU WON’T STOP.

(MAXINE—CHORUS)
LIFE HAPPENS, LIFE HAPPENS
LIFE HAPPENS THAT WAY
FORGET YOUR INTENTIONS,
YOUR BEST INTERVENTIONS
GET KICKED TO THE CURB EVERY DAY.

(BOOTS & FINGERS verse 3.)
YOU’VE GOT IT GOOD, WHY CAN’T YOU SEE
JUST WISH I COULD, MAKE IT BE ME.
TRADE MY PLACE, OR I’LL SHARE
WHY WON’T SOMEBODY CARE
DESTINY I WANT TO STOP…

THE DREAM (Celia, Max)

(CELIA)
WHEN YOU LEFT YOU BANISHED MY TRUST,
AFTER I GAVE YOU MY HEART.
ALL OUR LOVE HAS VANISHED LIKE DUST,
YOU KILLED ME, MY LIFE TORN APART.
NEVER A WORD—ALIVE? OR DEAD?
PROMISED FOREVER WE’D BE WED!
WAS IT SOMETHING I DID, OR SOMETHING I SAID?
A THIRTY-YEAR SILENCE BETRAYS.

–CHORUS (duet)

(CELIA)                                                     (MAX)
I HAD A DREAM,                                    I SAW YOU WALK IN,
GAVE YOU MY BEST                            BUT NOT FOR THE FIRST TIME
YOU FILLED UP MY HEART                WHY IT WAS HERE,
WITH YOUR LOVE.                                WAS THERE RHYTHM OR RHYME?
AND NOW YOU’RE HERE                     THE YEARS TOUCHED YOU LIGHTLY,
IT’S NOT WHAT IT SEEMS                    WERE NEVER UNKIND.
JUST TELL THE TRUTH,                        YOU BROUGHT BACK EACH MEMORY
TIME TO CONFESS…                               TUCKED AWAY IN MY MIND.

SUCK IT UP SWEETHEART (Mabel & Company)

(MABEL)
SUCK IT UP, SWEETHEART
LUCKS A CROCK, SWEETHEART
WORK IT OUT SWEETHEART
NOTHING COMES FOR FREE
WHEN LIFE’S A BITCH SWEETHEART
AND YOU GOT THE ITCH SWEETHEART
TIME TO MAKE A SWITCH SWEETHEART
JUST REMEMBER ME.

MY DEMEANOR PROTECTS ME JUST FINE.
YOU’LL NOT CRACK THIS HARD SHELL OF MINE.
UNLESS YOU’RE A STRAY, WHO HAS NOW LOST HIS WAY.
THEN NEVER WILL YOU BE ASKING TOO MUCH.

(RONNIE)
IF I’M NOT WORTHY, THEN WHY AM I NOT?
I’M MY GIFT, AND THAT’S ALL THAT I’VE GOT.
AND THROUGHOUT THE YEARS, WHISPER ONCE IN MY EARS
I LOVE YOU. IS THAT ASKING TOO MUCH?

(Mabel)
SUCK IT UP, SWEETHEART
LUCK’S A CROCK, SWEETHEART…

SILVER SCREEN BLUES (Fingers)

BOGY SAID IT BEST WHEN HE SAID “HERE’S LOOKIN’ AT YOU.”
NOTHIN’ I SAY COMES OUT JUST RIGHT, AND THAT’S WHY I AM BLUE,
YES, I’VE GOT ‘EM…THE OL’ SILVER SCREEN BLUES.
IF I COULD EXPRESS MYSELF LIKE BOGY, I’D BE TALKIN’ TO YOUSE.

HOW DO THE STARS DO IT? MAKE IT ALL COME OUT JUST RIGHT?
I MEMORIZED EVERY SINGLE WORD FROM “THEY DRIVE BY NIGHT.”
BUT I’VE STILL GOT ‘EM…. THE OL’ SILVER SCREEN BLUES.
GEORGE RAFT CAN SAY IT PERFECTLY, STILL I HAVE NO CLUES…

POETRY & JAZZ (Jane, Boots)

(JANE)
I’VE PREFER TO READ MY BOOKS, POPULAR WAS NOT IN MY SIGHT.
POETRY MADE UP FOR MY LACK OF LOOKS,
IN MY PRETTY WORLD, I’M A PRETY GIRL,
IN MY PRETTY WORLD WHERE RHYMES DELIGHT.

(BOOTS) I’M ON MY OWN—ALL ALONE
HUSTLING EACH NICKEL AND DIME.
NOTHING TO OWN—DISCONNECTED PHONE,
BUYING EACH ITEM ON TIME.

(JANE)
EVERY DAY I TEACH A NEW VERSE, POETRY THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE.
BUT ONCE A LONE I CAN’T FEEL MUCH WORSE.
NO ONE CARES FOR ME, I’M ALONE AS CAN BE,
IF SOMEONE CARED, I’D TRADE THE SKY ABOVE.

(BOOTS)
SECONDHAND SUIT, WEEK OLD FRUIT
WORK RECORD NOT WORTH A DAMN.
DRIVING BORROWED CARS, HUSTLING DRINKS IN BARS
THAT’S REALLY WHO I AM…

HAPPY (Celia)

AM I HAPPY? WHAT DOES HAPPINESS MEAN?
IS IT SUCCESS? GOOD WORKS? ROMANCE? SO,
AM I HAPPY? LIFE ISN’T ALL THAT IT SEEMS,
NOT EVERYONE WILL GET THE CHANCE. SO,

AM I HAPPY? HOW DOES ANYONE KNOW
WHEN TO RISK ALL THEY HAVE FOR ALL THE REST?
AM I HAPPY? OR AM I BEING SNOWED
JUST CAN’T TELL ANYMORE WHAT IS BEST.

GO AWAY, LET ME BE, GO AWAY, SET ME FREE,
I DON’T NEED YOU, CAN’T YOU SEE?
WHAT IS HAPPINESS? IT’S ONLY FOR SUCKERS…

THE PICTURE (Troy)

THERE’S A PICTURE INSIDE MY HEAD
OF THE MAN I’M SPOZED TO BE.
AND AT NIGHT WHEN I’M IN MY BED
THAT PICTURE SPEAKS TO ME.
THERE’S A BABY THAT WILL MAKE US THREE
SHE’S PERFECT! SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU.
THERE’S MY RONNIE—AND IT’S PLAIN TO SEE
YOU’RE THE PERFECT CHOICE, MY DREAMS CAME TRUE.

BECAUSE YOU FIT, YOU’RE PART OF THE PICTURE
WE BOTH FIT, WE’RE INSIDE THE FRAME.
THE WHOLE TOWN KNOWS WE’RE JUST THE RIGHT MIXTURE
CUZ WE’RE BOTH CAUGHT UP IN A CINDERELLA GAME…


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KURVES, The Musical! — 9 Comments

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